You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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