hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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