Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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