I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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