Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
