Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
