thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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