I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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