It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
vagina is talking i cant
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
