Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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