dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.