Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
