I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit