i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
