Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished