I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...