He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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