two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
