So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
