Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
