yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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