C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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