You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
