Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
how does that bad decision feel?
He did a backflip because drugs
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