3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
