Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
