I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
