no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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