I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
