I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
