For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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