weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
