the condom got lost in my hair
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
