I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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