How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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