im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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