I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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