Michael Bay diarrhea
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Someone signed my nipple.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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