he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
