I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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