Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
