True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
