At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
