I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
