this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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