R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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