I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
