Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
