My first STD was from a foam party
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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