LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They took my balls.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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