i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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