Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
