Someone shit on the floor
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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