I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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