He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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