It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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