I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
