told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
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New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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