she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize