just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
