the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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