I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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