Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
