addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
