So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's blow job season.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
