my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
