so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
