Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
