Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
