We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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