when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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