I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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