im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
