well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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