She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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