I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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