I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
