ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize