Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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